If your ex is pretending and playing games with you, then, you can decipher his or her messages with a little bit of psychology and unveal their true meaning. I think some relationships will just be easier to get over than others depending … One time it took me two years (years!) Now, to the main reason of this post: I stumbled upon her a few days ago and all those feelings came back. I'm hoping that after talking for a bit with her I realise that there is nothing left from the person that I loved, maybe even dislike her and forget about any chance of getting back with her. Sometimes we think of our ex’s more negatively than is objectively warranted (He or she was the devil!). I don’t love him anymore, but I still don’t think I’m “over” my ex. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. Getting dumped is really painful. If your ex recently broke up with you, ... even if you need to write the same thing 20 times. And then I’ll think about how she would be complaining about watching baseball and I immediately stop missing her.” — Ben, 27. I blamed myself for most of the … You can have your mind back! Okay, you’ve probably thought about this already; your ex won because he/she found a new guy or girl before you did. 16. I was no contact this whole time except for only some ocasional small stalkering on social media and catch-ups through friends in common. I (F29) broke up with first gf (F29) 7 years ago, dated other people, fell in love, was happy and thought I was over it. To sum things up, there a number of signs that will tell you if your ex is over you. Totally. Now whole entire weeks go by without them crossing your mind. edit II: I know I'm being an asshole to my current GF, I'm hating myself for it. It can be difficult to tell if you're really over someone. Writing the same thing over and over can actually help make your thoughts less intrusive. Most people think the main reason for that gnawing pain is because you lost “the love of your life." I'm hoping I get closure this way because definetly the no contact thing has not worked. What’s missing in your current relationship that you’re looking for in your ex? Three big lies we tell ourselves that keep us stuck in old relationships. sadly she did, it felt awful. They learned how to forgive themselves. I hadn’t loved anyone that way before him and I don’t think I can again. Even when you're ready to end things and move on, there is an inevitable post-split mourning period. When things went well she made me feel desired and like a queen, she made me want to work to better myself. I don't miss our relationship though, just parts of things we shared. My ex-boyfriend and first real love whom I dated for over two years came to my wedding! This isn’t about winning, how quickly you get into the new relationship depends on your needs and preferences. Eventually, I thought I was liberated of this feelings and happy in a new relationship, now I'm thinking I just tried to ignore them and suppress them just as I sign of respect to my new gf or to convince I was happy enough. And I’ll be at his wedding this summer. We come from different cities, she doesn't see herself ever living in my hometown. She cheated on me officialy one time but after the years I have learnt they were, at least, 2 or 3 more. Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? This might be a stretch but he mentioned that he hooked up with a male when he was drunk, but only because he was drunk and wouldn’t do … It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Also I'm beginning to see we are having different life expectactions: I want to make good money and go back to my hometown eventually. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. That being said, after we met we chatted a bit and agreed on meeting up. If your ex-spouse was selfish and mean, ... "If you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." If anyone has any advise of what I should or shouldn't do, it will be greatly welcome. He spent a couple months treating me like I was nothing, finally ended things, and then dragged the relationship on as if I was his backup plan. Probably the contrast between ex and current gfs is what’s making you feel this way. People who are selfish and mean are common, like … For a lot of women, deleting his number from your phone is the best option. Your ex is not only in denial, they are trying to void the break-up because they think you made a mistake ending the relationship, and want you also to think you made a mistake. They still held primary real estate in your brain and wouldn’t sell. Go no contact with your ex without delay. Need help with your relationship? We just broke up over a stupid fight via text, then never spoke again. I was no contact this whole time except for only some ocasional small stalkering on social media and catch-ups through friends in common. Ouch. Getting over someone you have feelings for is hard, but getting over an ex — especially one who meant a lot to you — can feel impossible. You think you may never move on. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I fell in love with a man who promised to love me forever. I was loyal and kind but also shy and inexperienced, I just wanted to have fun with my dream girl and treat her right, she had been on a few serious relationship before and lots of hookups. At the very least, you need to tell your current partner about this. It could be something meaningful or it could be something as arbitrary as a cloudy sky. Your ex has moved on already, but you are stuck. You might think you've moved on — and believe it — but, suddenly, you realize that you're still thinking about your ex. I’m not over my ex but there’s a thought in my head now. I am 100 percent over the loss of our relationship, which was great at times but a bad fit in a lot of different ways. We didn't even date that long. Yay! 1. You're so over your ex that you don't follow them on Instagram anymore. But you might know it by heart. To me, it looks like it was a good balance for me, I had support to do things I that was to shy to do for myself, improved my social skills, tried a lot of new things and met fun people, and gained confidence. "A combination of things. The break up was ugly AF, she dumped me and said pretty bad things to me. I thought I was over my ex, but apparently I am not My ex-girlfriend and I dated for about 2 and a half years before breaking up in January of this year. I don't really know why I'm doing this but we will see eachother for a coffee in a couple days. “I miss having a reason to get out of the house. It doesn’t sound like you’re smitten with the poor girl so break it off. She stills in her relationship, I still in mine but I can help thinking that I would give up everything to be with her if there was the slightest chance. Decide that you will set 15 minutes at the beginning or end of the day – and maybe a 15 minute stint at lunch, too – to simply obsess. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. She deserves someone who is crazy about her - the way you are for your ex. If no contact didn’t work, you need to find out why? When you practice shifting, the intrusive thoughts about your Ex will get weaker. She started a new relationship shortly after we broke and I was completely devastated. But if you are seeing more than 8 of them, it’s very likely your ex is just being polite. Press J to jump to the feed. There wasn’t a single day he didn’t cross my … I had one ex that it probably took me 3 years to completely get over, and I still think about him from time to time and miss him. Also. Your ex’s new relationship doesn’t make you a loser. On top of that she has a super clear and successful career path. The relationship was a rollercoaster, we broke up and came back together all the time, I was depressed, poor, and lonely. Don't cheat on your current relationship. edit: if you can't understand why I would like to go back with this person k don't do neither but it just feels that way. Would you want her to do to you, what she is doing to her current partner? She won't be visiting my family on my hometown or hangout with my friends or attend work get togethers where everyone would bring their partner. Although we never had the "closure" talk. If you can’t bear the thought of not thinking about the breakup, then set a specific time to let your obsessive thoughts about your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend take over your mind, body, and soul. It's especially hard when you thought you were getting over your Ex, but then they move on with a new partner, and the feelings flare up all over again. Remember people, it doesn’t take much to compliment! And remember that if you can, you should just ask him so you can get an honest answer. Thought I was over my ex but meeting her after 7 years broke me. I always thought it felt that way because I was super insecure about the relationship but I guess is never a fun thing to happen even if you trust your GF 100%, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. I think we only went out for a year. Your current girlfriend doesn’t deserve to be second best. 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