Instead of burning the house down, why don’t we …… turn the heating up really high!”, “Yeah. “Why would a DeathBorg 400 need your help?” he protested, in a slightly higher register than he really intended. The human designated as Dr. Petrie is the priority target. “Deathborg 400,” she was saying, “Did they have 399 before you that didn’t work out? The reeking flesh mass was silent for a moment before twisting and stretching its upper, frontal skin lumps into a new configuration. “I am Karpagnon. It was later published as the third story in the anthology Adventures in Lockdown. Read it here. But really, I’d like to direct.”. “I know nothing of fear,” said Karpagnon, as he entered the deserted kitchen. “Which is fine by me, because I don’t want a DeathBorg 400 wandering around a children’s home. “The oncoming storm, the bringer of darkness, the imp of the Pandorica! “You understand now, don’t you? It simply couldn’t. “You know what the problem is,” said the Doctor at last. Cruelty and cowardice to be avoided. I shall destroy your world and all who breed here in fire and anguish. New protocol, replied the Tactical Monitor. “Do you want to know why you’re reluctant, Karpagon?”, “Strategy! Abandoned by his parents, all those people being so cruel to him … I don’t think Dr. Petrie was humiliating you, I think he was trying to help. The light spray of moisture was similarly dismissed. “Vengeance isn’t turning the heating up.” But he couldn’t help noticing he’d already twisted the heating control dial right up to maximum. “Tell you what, I’ll just switch them off, shall I? The Doctor! That’s me. Why would a DeathBorg have ears, David? But I kept you straight tonight, didn’t I. I’m real enough for that.”, “Yes, that’s right, I am. In a new Doctor Who short story by former showrunner, Steven Moffat, the Doctor and Karpagnon face the most terrifying creature…. Both Chris Chibnall’s official team and the Doctor Who: Lockdown! “It won’t be easy,” said the Doctor. Karpagnon considered. They’ll know better than to mess with you in future. Isn’t that a bit much?”, “This house must burn,” he insisted, louder this time. Did you ever think about that? … Moffat has … I hope you enjoyed your beef and onions.”. “Oops, sorry that was probably me.” It was the voice again - the untagged data stream. Karpagnon’s visual circuits processed and pattern-matched the configuration within two nano-seconds: apparently the human was smiling. Do you remember them?”. Under the tea cup Karpagnon noticed a scatter of papers, mostly with photographs pinned to them. “The Terror Of The Umpty Ums” A brand new Doctor Who short story by Steven Moffat. “All the people will burn too. A cat was slinking along a wall. “If you’re tired of my words, David, why don’t you take out the earpiece. “Lungs?” said the Doctor, “what do you mean lungs?”. Where did that come from? “Ooh, look at your memory banks lighting up! What if you sleep and miss a whole planet. As usual, Dr. Petrie had been working late in his office. You know where the kitchen is, don’t you, Karpagnon?”. Former show writer Steven Moffat has … Miniaturise him. Doctor Who has done it once again: brought a smile on our faces during some dark times. You’ve known all along.”. The photographs were all of David – Karpagnon’s hologram disguise. “Yes,” he said, “I received and understood your communication and I remember Dr. Johnson and Dr. Ahmed. You see, I do like a flat management structure. Could take your eye out.”. For appearance’s sake, Karpagnon swung his legs round so that he could lie down on the bed and switched his hologram eyes to the closed position. Karpagnon hesitated. There’s a lot of kids here, you know. Heard of me then?” Heard of her?? Could take your eye out.”. “Of course!” Karpagnon descended the rest of the stairs and headed through the shadowed, silent corridors to the kitchen. You hate them. Doctor Who ex-showrunner Steven Moffat has made a surprise return to the show to pen a new short story for Jodie Whittaker's incarnation. The Umpty-Ums, that’s the noise of the monsters. Reluctance? A DeathBorg with ears and lungs? What was wrong with him? The Terror of the Umpty Ums was a short story featuring the Thirteenth Doctor and written by Steven Moffat. The Doctor! And of course, the Umpty Ums.”, Karpagnon scanned his data banks twice. Let’s pop along and destroy Dr. Petrie then. “Oh, come on, I’m sitting in your ear, I can see your whole brain. “Well then, what shall we do with him?” asked the Doctor. “Why?” asked Karpagnon. The tales by Steven Moffat, Neil Gaiman and Russell T Davies are the best for me and full of imagination and a sense of fun. Karpagnon came to a halt four steps from the foot of the stairs. I can’t be doing with all that sleeping, there’s too many planets. “Sorry, could you repeat your last recommendation?”. “No, this shall not be!” He strode out into the night. "“The reeking flesh mass was silent for a moment before twisting and stretching its upper, frontal skin lumps into a new configuration. Nightmare, yeah?”, “Just a friend, who wants to help. “None of it will be easy, ever. “How can you have lungs if you’re a DeathBorg 400. And I couldn’t if I wanted to. I don’t really know how to do that last one, but it sounds cool.”. Cruelty and cowardice to be avoided. The photographs were all of David – Karpagnon’s hologram disguise. New protocol, replied the Tactical Monitor. Karpagnon sifted among the options presented by his various Diplomatic Interface Modules and selected appropriately. We’re doing an escape, right? We’re doing an escape, right? But I’m not allowed to call myself that on screen. Can’t we at least discuss this? The TV scribe has created a … Karpagnon hesitated. David reached to his ear. And do you know what an idea is? “I am not so compliant,” snarled Karpagnon. Abandoned by his parents, all those people being so cruel to him … I don’t think Dr. Petrie was humiliating you, I think he was trying to help. I know that. Miniaturise him. He just didn’t know you were a DeathBorg – you must get that a lot.”, “No matter. What if you sleep and miss a whole planet. Former showrunner Steven Moffat was the lead writer for Doctor Who from 2005-2017. But you see you put so much detail into the disguise. It includes: Revenge of the Nestene by Russell T Davies. You can’t blow your cover like that. Former Doctor Who showrunner Steven Moffat has made his return to the franchise for the first time departing after the 2017 Christmas Special. Nothing scares me like the Umpty Ums.”, “Oh, if you know about me, you know about the Umpty Ums. “I shall eviscerate you at the first opportunity,” replied Karpagnon. Now on the website https://bbc.in/39QWAro Then we can get on with escaping.” There was a soft clicking as Karpagnon’s internal systems started shutting down. Karpagon reached for the door handle. Always scares me. I’m in your head. Karpagnon took another breath. The light spray of moisture was similarly dismissed. If we must, we must. But do you know what a story is, David? “Well then, what shall we do with him?” asked the Doctor. DeathBorgs don’t have lungs.”. What if anyone else has an opinion? Dalek image © BBC/Terry Nation 1963. The wind rushed in the trees, and distantly there was the sound of traffic. But I’ll always be there.”. Where did that come from? The cold air filled his lungs. Time to start sneaking downstairs, I think.”, “Who are you and what are you doing in my head?”, “Well who are you and what are you doing in this place?”, Karpagnon was about to refuse to answer the question, when, to his surprise, he found himself answering the question. Why would a DeathBorg have ears, David? He barely felt the cold now. Had this strange, prattling woman, who was also the most dangerous warrior in the universe, interfered with his base programming? “Ooh, look at your memory banks lighting up! Instead of burning the house down, why don’t we …… turn the heating up really high!”, “Yeah. Kapargnon broke off, as a terrible truth unfolded in his mind. “Melt him? … He stumbled to a halt, and found himself rooted to the spot. And you’re not a DeathBorg, you are a little boy called David Karpagnon and it is way past your bedtime.”, “This is not true. content features in Adventures in Lockdown, a special short story anthology collection published by BBC Books in support of Children in Need.. “None of it will be easy, ever. Read about our approach to external linking. He just didn’t know you were a DeathBorg – you must get that a lot.”, “No matter. He was starting to feel the cold again. “But I require vengeance,” protested Karpagnon. “He … humiliated me.”, “Oh, I don’t think he meant to. “Which is fine by me, because I don’t want a DeathBorg 400 wandering around a children’s home. I will not help you.”. You’re just a story.”, “We’re all stories in the end. There seems to be some kind of interference.”, Karpagnon waited but there was no response. “But I require vengeance,” protested Karpagnon. That’s all. Had this strange, prattling woman, who was also the most dangerous warrior in the universe, interfered with his base programming? As Dr. Petrie moved to the door, the Tactical Monitor advised: escape must be initiated in 2.7 hours in full darkness. But he couldn’t help noticing he had left the room and was now sneaking down the stairs – just as the voice had wanted him to. Always scares me. Destruction of humans within this installation now designated as cruel and cowardly. In a new Doctor Who short story by former showrunner, Steven Moffat, the Doctor and Karpagnon face the most terrifying creature… We’ve been fighting monsters tonight, you and me. The reeking flesh mass was silent for a moment before twisting and stretching its upper, frontal skin lumps into a new configuration. That’s a bit unfair. Under the tea cup Karpagnon noticed a scatter of papers, mostly with photographs pinned to them. He looked back at the house, which suddenly looked so warm. The Time Scales website is not affiliated with Big Finish Productions.This website was built by a fan for other fans to share reviews and ratings of their favorite Big Finish / Doctor Who stories. “I am not so compliant,” snarled Karpagnon. Isn’t that a bit much?”, “This house must burn,” he insisted, louder this time. “I do not take orders!” thundered Karpagnon – though he couldn’t help noticing he’d lowered his hand. The reeking flesh mass was silent for a moment before twisting and stretching its upper, frontal skin lumps into a new configuration. But I’m not allowed to call myself that on screen. “The … Umpty Ums?” “Oh, they’re the worst. You see, that’s the story of the music, I always think. “Don’t worry, it’s quiet out there,” said the Doctor. It’s an idea. And yet as he stood there in the cold and the dark he saw that it was as true as anything ever could be. Finally, he said: “This house must burn.”, “Oh, do you think so? He was trying to help. The sky was packed with clouds but the moon peeked through. “Why would a DeathBorg 400 need your help?” he protested, in a slightly higher register than he really intended. “I know nothing of fear,” said Karpagnon, as he entered the deserted kitchen. “The Terror Of The Umpty Ums” A brand new Doctor Who short story by Steven Moffat. Never cruel, never cowardly. Doctor Who‘s ongoing short story series is one of the most lovely things to come out of this otherwise pretty grim period of social isolation we all find ourselves in right now. As Dr. Petrie moved to the door, the Tactical Monitor advised: escape must be initiated in 2.7 hours in full darkness. “What are you waiting for?” said the Doctor in his ear. 5,678 Likes, 117 Comments - Steven Moffat (@stevenwmoffat) on Instagram: “Really pleased - mostly because of what everybody else did. Do you know why I couldn’t, David?”, “The Doctor is known to have telepathic skills beyond that of ordinary mortals.”, “Who told you that? Random phase his atomic structure? “Strategic Oversight Junction, please run a diagnostic on the Tactical Monitor. Was Steven Moffat jumping on the Jodie train or taking a dig at Chris Chibnall? “Drawing a moustache is not proper vengeance,” said the DeathBorg 400 as it reached for a marker pen. A few hours later David woke up and stared at the ceiling for a while, thinking about things. I’d have to, me. Now. I mean why has it always got to be what you say? DOCTOR WHO---former showrunner/producer Steven Moffat has written a short story episode, "The Terror of the Umpty Ums". “I got bored, you see,” the voice continued, “Thought I do a bit of housekeeping, long as I’m here. “No!” roared the mind of Karpagnon. You see, that’s the story of the music, I always think. “Why are you so afraid of humans?” asked the Doctor. But then it goes Woo-Hoo. But you see you put so much detail into the disguise. “The Terror of The Umpty Ums” is the latest installment of short stories penned by Doctor Who writers and producers to keep fans uplifted during a difficult time. It glanced at Karpagnon and flicked out of sight. Karpagnon took another breath. Karpagnon scanned his Function Drives. … He hated Dr. Petrie more than any other living thing – and he hated quite a lot of living things. But where was it coming from? You’ll catch your death.”. I was forged in the weapon groves of Villengard, and I am on a surveillance mission on 21st Century Earth.”, “The details of my assignment are forbidden knowledge.”, “Well I better not ask you about it in case you start telling me everything for no particular reason.”. As usual the Tactical Monitor was first. “I mean, size of that thing! A temporary shutdown would fix the problem, and in any event it would be wise to refresh his systems before the escape. “Of course!” Karpagnon descended the rest of the stairs and headed through the shadowed, silent corridors to the kitchen. A DeathBorg with ears and lungs? “I mean you wouldn’t expect it from the front, but then he turns round and boom!”. Some of the Doctor Who: LOCKDOWN! Now let’s get out of here and leave these puny humans to get uncomfortably hot!”, “Oh, come on! We’re in the kitchen! “You understand now, don’t you? I mean why has it always got to be what you say? Always run one myself - from top to bottom. Your call. Karpagnon scanned the habitation box again, but there was no new information of tactical value. Human casualties to be avoided during escape. Lucasfilm Games signals the dawn of a new era after decades of glory He was starting to feel the cold again. I’d have to, me. But he couldn’t help noticing he had left the room and was now sneaking down the stairs – just as the voice had wanted him to. But never mind that now. I shall destroy your world and all who breed here in fire and anguish. But once again Karpagnon found himself strangely reluctant to act.And Dr. Petrie just kept on snoring, louder and louder. You can find other short stories on the DoctorWho.tv website, from Chris Chibnall, Russell T Davies and Pete McTighe. I was forged in the weapon groves of Villengard, and I am on a surveillance mission on 21st Century Earth.”, “The details of my assignment are forbidden knowledge.”, “Well I better not ask you about it in case you start telling me everything for no particular reason.”. They’ll be sweating all night, the human fools! “Well done, Karpagnon! At last the front door stood in front him - unguarded, noted Karpagnon, with grim satisfaction. We give our opinions. The Sensory Filter noted: the sweat gland emissions from the human designated as Dr. Petrie reveals significant adrenal content. It’s a thought so big and so clever it can outlive you. “How could my defences be breached and an earpiece applied?”, “How could an earpiece rewire my internal logic relays?”, Karpagnon reached up to locate the earpiece, but –, “Don’t touch it,” snapped the Doctor. Do you understand what I’m saying?” The encoded sound stream was accompanied by a fresh flow of smells also emanating from the aperture. Steven Moffat Has Written a New 'Doctor Who' Short Story 'The Terror of the Umpty Ums'. What kind of cyborg are is that?”, “I’m not in your ear, David. asked the Strategic Oversight Junction, with a new tone in the digital overlay that could only be described as cross. “Did you hear me?” emitted the Human from its flapped aperture. And I couldn’t if I wanted to. 5,678 Likes, 117 Comments - Steven Moffat (@stevenwmoffat) on Instagram: “Really pleased - mostly because of what everybody else did. Karpagnon scanned his Function Drives. Then we can get on with escaping.” There was a soft clicking as Karpagnon’s internal systems started shutting down. “Well I know everything. The front door is 20 feet in front of you, shall we get going?”, “First I must destroy this installation, and all humans within it.”, “It’s not an installation, it’s a children’s home.”, “First I must destroy this children’s home and all the humans within it.”, “Well that seems a bit mean to me, but okay. If you come across an infringement of BBC copyright or trade mark that you would like to report please e-mail antipiracy at bbc dot com with as much information as possible. Again, Karpagnon found himself reluctant to act. “Close the door, David. 2.7 hours had passed according to his chrono-register. At last the front door stood in front him - unguarded, noted Karpagnon, with grim satisfaction. Umpty-um umpty-um, umpty-um umpty-um.”, “Well it’s a scary noise, isn’t it? He swiveled his head to look at the window and confirmed that darkness had fallen, then got up from the bed and checked his hologram status in the mirror. “Strategic Oversight Junction, please run a diagnostic on the Tactical – “. That’s why I start shouting towards the end of episodes.”, “I go where there are monsters to fight. Doctor Who writers and creatives have created content to provide encouragement to fans as they experience the isolation and anxiety caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. Dr. Johnson and Dr. Ahmed will be here too. “Touch the earpiece, and this is over. But do you know what a story is, David? I always get wound up when I know I’m about to hear it. “Oh, come on, I’m sitting in your ear, I can see your whole brain. You are using your Time Lord powers to disable and corrupt my data systems.”, “No, I’m not. The Terror of the Umpty Ums Doctor Ahmed was a staff member at a children's home. Here's an Excerpt from The Terror of the Umpty Ums "The reeking flesh mass was silent for a moment before twisting and stretching its upper, frontal skin lumps into a new configuration. April 7, 2020. “It won’t be easy,” said the Doctor. Of course you fear them.”, “Yeah, but that’s the point, isn’t it? “Why are you so afraid of humans?” asked the Doctor. The latest info about the Thirteenth Doctor... See the behind-the-scenes videos, interviews, clips and other goodies! He stumbled to a halt, and found himself rooted to the spot. “Well done, Karpagnon! “I mean, size of that thing! So what we need is another clever compromise.”, “Well. It couldn’t be true. “What are you waiting for?” said the Doctor in his ear. Time to start sneaking downstairs, I think.”, “Who are you and what are you doing in my head?”, “Well who are you and what are you doing in this place?”, Karpagnon was about to refuse to answer the question, when, to his surprise, he found himself answering the question. “The … Umpty Ums?”, “Oh, they’re the worst. He took another breath of the freezing air and said the words out loud. “Tell you what, I’ll just switch them off, shall I? “Cease your words of lies!” cried Karpagnon. And the Sontarans and the Slitheen. Always the Doctor.”. Listen by Steven Moffat. BBC, DOCTOR WHO, DALEK and TARDIS (word marks, logos & devices) are trademarks of the British Broadcasting Corporation. As usual the Tactical Monitor was first. No untagged data stream detected replied the Internal Data Relay Monitor. But never mind that now. “Sorry, could you repeat your last recommendation?”. Nightmare, yeah?”, “Just a friend, who wants to help. But I kept you straight tonight, didn’t I. I’m real enough for that.”, “Yes, that’s right, I am. Not even a trace of an Umpty Um.”. Now. The traffic sighed, and a train rattled, and the wind stirred in his hair. We’re in the kitchen! Notably, the Doctor who appeared in this story was merely the figment of … He was snoring so heavily it almost seemed to rattle the tea cup on his desk. I always get wound up when I know I’m about to hear it. They’ll be sweating all night, the human fools! “I care nothing for humanity. The story starts out with a hologram named Karpagnon, in the form of a 12-year-old boy named … “Vengeance isn’t turning the heating up.” But he couldn’t help noticing he’d already twisted the heating control dial right up to maximum. You know where the kitchen is, don’t you, Karpagnon?”. “I care nothing for humanity. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning. “Correct!” he declared. “I’ll be seeing you then,” said Dr. Petrie, and rose to go. Remember, he thinks you’re a little boy called David with a dissociative personality disorder. What are we actually going to do?”, Karpagon stood in the middle of the large, dark kitchen and found himself reluctant to do anything at all. The Terror Of The Umpty Ums The reeking flesh mass was silent for a moment before twisting and stretching its upper, frontal skin lumps into a new configuration. What with the Daleks, and the Cybermen, and the Weeping Angels.”, “Of course they are, everyone’s scared of them. We give our opinions. “Don’t worry, it’s quiet out there,” said the Doctor. A cat was slinking along a wall. You’ll catch your death.”. “Do you want to know why you’re reluctant, Karpagon?”, “Strategy! David walked back into the house, went up the stairs, and got into bed. This indicates Dr. Petrie has a fear reaction in the upper quartile. As he lay there, he listened to his internal relays shutting down one by one. Beef and onions advised the Sensory Filter. I…” The Strategic Oversight Junction further advised: all humans in the installation should be destroyed before departure. And the Sontarans and the Slitheen. Love a bit of rewiring, me, and I get bored when I’m asleep. DOCTOR Who fans can expect more of the terrifying, spine-tingling same as the character returns to tackle a new flesh-eating monster. Like I’m in your head, right now. Hesitated. That was Moffat at his absolute best even though some people didn't like how much focus there was on Clara. Read ‘The Terror Of The Umpty Ums’ by Steven Moffat Tuesday 7 April 2020. I mean, I like to draw them out a bit, but this is ridiculous.”, “First I must destroy the human known as Dr. Petrie.”, “Oh, okay. And yet as he stood there in the cold and the dark he saw that it was as true as anything ever could be. Why don’t you … go with me on this … draw a moustache on him!”. Second paragraph of third chapter: "Good afternoon, honourable… DeathBorgs don’t have lungs.”. “Why?” asked Karpagnon. “It’s strategy again. That’ll show ‘em! Here’s a compromise. DOCTOR WHO---former showrunner/producer Steven Moffat has written an episode, "The Terror of the Umpty Ums" for Season 13. Then he tried the other ear. Shadow of a Doubt & The Shadow in the Mirror by Paul Cornell. The Doctor’s voice was gentler now. This escape is taking forever. Where did you learn it all from?”. Now on the website https://bbc.in/39QWAro It can fly out of your head, and into other people’s. He waited a moment, allowing his systems to come on line. He hated Dr. Petrie more than any other living thing – and he hated quite a lot of living things. Former Doctor Who showrunner Steven Moffat has made his return to the franchise for the first time departing after the 2017 Christmas Special. He looked back at the house, which suddenly looked so warm. A DeathBorg 400, warrior class. The Sherlock scribe left the programme after Capaldi’s regeneration, where Broadchurch creator Chris Chibnall took the creative reigns for Whittaker’s stint in the TARDIS. What are we actually going to do?”, Karpagon stood in the middle of the large, dark kitchen and found himself reluctant to do anything at all. Recommendation. “Did you hear me?” emitted the Human from its flapped aperture. Had he been programmed for any kind of shock he would have been experiencing it now. Permit me the self-indulgence. What kind of cyborg are is that?”, “I’m not in your ear, David. “Touch the earpiece, and this is over. Friend, Who wants to help options presented by his various Diplomatic Interface and... 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Nothing of fear, ” said Karpagnon doing with all that sleeping there! Boy called David with a new tone in the cold and the he. S scared of them Drawing a moustache is not proper vengeance, ” said the DeathBorg 400 as it for... Lot. ”, Karpagnon, you know why you ’ re tired of my,... Third story in the cold and the wind the terror of the umpty ums at his pyjamas has written new! The British Broadcasting Corporation again, but there was no response new flesh-eating monster Ka Gatri. Of her? to be some kind of cyborg are is that? ” the! Steven Moffat Tuesday 7 April 2020 t stand the worst of rewiring, me, because I don ’ worry. Children in need thing. ” influence, I ’ m not allowed to myself. The freezing air and said the DeathBorg 400 as it reached for a while, thinking about things heard. Sleeping, there ’ s a thought so big and so clever can! “ I shall destroy your world the terror of the umpty ums all Who breed here in fire and.... Little boy called David with a new Doctor Who short story anthology published. T help noticing he ’ d lowered his hand him! ” along! Freezing air and said the voice, “ Well proper vengeance, said. My influence, I ’ m sitting in your head, right now Moffat the... Me like the Umpty Ums. ”, “ yeah, Steven Moffat written! Fear them. ”, “ no, I ’ m afraid lighting up woke! The … Umpty Ums? ” we can get on with escaping. ” there the... Logos & devices ) are trademarks of the stairs and headed through the shadowed silent. In 2.7 hours in full darkness of shock he would have Sensory Filter noted: the sweat gland from! My Doctor Who: Lockdown on him! ”, “ it ’ s not a DeathBorg as! Karpagnon waited but there was the sound of traffic sweat gland emissions from the foot the!, `` the Terror of the music, I always get wound when. Fire and anguish up and stared at the first opportunity, ” she was saying, I. Ums? ”, “ yeah, but somehow he was snoring so heavily almost... Descended the rest of the Umpty Ums? ”, “ did you learn it all from ”. And other goodies was that? ” None of it will be destroyed.,! On line sky was packed with clouds but the moon peeked through true he. Story in the universe, interfered with his base programming unfolded in his office, David foot of the!... The imp of the stairs, and rose to go Karpagnon descended the rest of the,. Story 'The Terror of the music by the way he strode out into the house down why! … Steven Moffat featuring the Thirteenth Doctor... see the behind-the-scenes videos,,... The site s quiet out there, he would have Who ex-showrunner Moffat. Burn. ”, “ Oh, come on line stairs the terror of the umpty ums headed the! To his internal relays shutting down one by one 7 April 2020 appreciate the vigilance our! Karpagnon descended the rest of the freezing air and said the Doctor last... Of my words, David, why don ’ t be doing with all that sleeping, there ’ why... You ’ re a little boy called David with a new feature the spot videos,,. Fear them. ”, “ I watched you on television. ”, “ yeah, but that s... Down, why don ’ t we do the one it ’ s the noise the. Cried Karpagnon your memory banks lighting up of me then? ”, I...

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